The Closed Window

7

October 27, 2013 by Ifeoma Dennis

Recently, I complained on Twitter about this (how ironic I even referenced who this blog post is about)–

 

Well, what I found out was there was actually one window in the house that didn’t have a mosquito net.

And it was one out of the two windows in the bathroom.

 

My landlord said he was going to fix it but he was and is still out of the island.

So that very day I complained about it on Twitter, I realized my best option was to close the window. I have an unhealthy fear of dengue fever. Of falling sick in general.

But I didn’t want to close it. I really didn’t want to. I like my bathroom airy…and yes, there was a second window but two windows open were better than one.

The first day after I closed the window, I came back from school and felt like I was asphyxiating in the bathroom. I really wanted to open that window again and damn the mosquitoes.

But those mosquitoes were really a nuisance around, apart from being disease vectors, so I didn’t give in.

Same way for second day, the third day…I think it was on the fourth day that I noticed that indeed there were no more mosquitoes in my house.

Like pure magic.

But a part of me still wanted that window open. Still missed it.

But my emotional dyspnea was becoming less and less every time I got into the bathroom. I started feeling it was more airy, and not that bad as I thought…and actually still smelt nice. Maybe even nicer than before, because sometimes the air outside smelt of rain and drifted in.

So that’s what I thought of this morning in the light of a recent event in my life.

My best friend and I broke up. Best friend= boyfriend= best friend.

Well, we lasted for just over one year but in that one year, we saw each other almost every day and definitely talked to each other every single day. We read together, he cooked for me when I was busy with writing/exams, we visited places together, got lost in the jungle together, dived off scary cliffs and had a lot of adventures together.

We spent so many evenings here watching the sun set behind the little island.

We spent so many evenings here watching the sun set behind the little island.

And most importantly like I said earlier, we read together. Like almost every single day.

So this past week, I went through the grieving phase (not that I’m still not grieving in some way…I mean, I expect it to hit me sometimes like a post-menopausal hot flash)…and I couldn’t read, lost all appetite and basically dragged myself through the mandatory motions of everyday like going to school and all.

I still wake up and expect his email in my inbox like it used to be every morning…and then remind myself it’s truly over.

Well, I read yesterday for the first time in five days, and hope to continue the progress today.

I have so much to catch up on, considering I have exams in barely more than one month.

 

So this morning, I read a bit and decided to do my laundry. The closed window was beside the washer…as it always has been… but something occurred to me for the first time.

I’m perfectly comfortable with it being closed now. I don’t feel there’s any difference anymore. The other window suffices just fine.

And I told myself…he’s just like this closed window. You missed it so much at first…but one day, you’ll realize you can work just fine without him.

And today, it gives me a lot of hope.

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7 thoughts on “The Closed Window

  1. […] ex and I broke up last October, as those of you reading my blog would know, since I talked about it here, and although I wasn’t expecting to be over him in a month or two, what I didn’t expect was the […]

  2. The closed window–what a beautiful analogy for loss. I hope that it’s getting easier for you with each passing day.

  3. *Hugs* Things WILL get better. I’m glad you’re finding hope and enjoyment in reading again!

  4. catyorkc says:

    Hugs, Ifeoma. I wish I could hug you for real. Time will heal, but you’re right, those first few days, weeks… sometimes months are the hardest (depending). One day at a time. I’m so glad you’re finding happiness in the things you love again.

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