August 8, 2013 by Ifeoma Dennis
Two or three days back, a friend told me, well-meaningfully I guess, “You know you’re just wasting your time with writing. How much are you going to earn, coming to even think about it? You’d be a doctor and even as a resident, what you’d earn in one year won’t compare to a writer’s wages.”
I stumbled for words at first. I wasn’t expecting someone to tell me this. I mean, my parents had never told me to give up on my writing dream. My family had never found it useless.
“I write because I love it,” I told my friend at last. “I can’t live without it. And it makes me very very happy.”
But days later, I still think about what he said. I’m a bit in a low mood, to be honest. I think about my medical board exams coming up in the near future, think about seeing my books one day in a bookshop and I wonder if it makes sense. If I am just one big-headed Pisces of a dreamer. If I should be reading, instead of writing (but hello, it’s my break this August and can’t I take a break from reading medical books?)
I wonder if I’d look back one day and regret anything…anything.
Not to mention, I didn’t make it to the first three in my class. I was the fourth, which is still something, you might say… but only the first three students get discounts for their clinical rotations. So in a way, I lost a scholarship. A discount worth a few thousand dollars a year.
And I feel like a big, big failure.
But did it have anything with writing? No, it didn’t.
Writing didn’t distract me. Matter of fact, I made it a rule not to write during the semester. I tried as hard as I could to read as much as possible, I didn’t miss classes (except once in a while) and I read my hardest.
And even if I hung out on Twitter, my other friends were hanging out at parties, or playing sports. Everyone had something they were doing when they wanted to take a breather.
So when some of my friends try to suggest it might be my writing distracting me, I’m like, “HELLO”.
But then deep in my heart, I wonder if I am distracted. If it is wrong to love something that “might” not make you that much money. If it is wrong to give in to something you really want to do.
And it is not like I don’t like medical school. I love it, and I want to be a Doctor Without Borders one day. But I don’t know, when I think of long-term plans….it’s a bit hard to imagine past that.
It’s a bit hard to imagine past anything at the moment.
I just want to write and succeed in every area I find myself, and hopefully, one day all the confused pieces would come together and solve the puzzle.
Anyways, I guess I’m posting this because I need and I’m trying to give myself some inspiration.